May I stay steady. May I not give in to despair. May I channel my anger and grief into effective, purposeful action. May I stay present, with eyes wide open, and do what needs to be done.
I’m scared. This fear feels old and familiar— powerless and terrified in the face of a raging, out-of-control bully who nobody seems able to stop. Back then in order to survive, I numbed out, went silent. I spent hours each week hiding in a dark cupboard. When I was eight I stopped talking for an entire year. I willed myself to become invisible.
I still feel that pull to go silent and numb when I’m scared. To pretend it’s not happening.
Now when I feel that pull, I acknowledge the fear. I stay present and breathe with it. I reach back in time to the young girl I was, and let her know she’s safe now. I tell her I am the woman she grew up to be–strong, courageous, with a powerful voice.
I show her my present life, where I’m surrounded by love and a huge community of deeply caring people, supporting each other, helping each other, working passionately for justice.
You are not alone. We are not alone.
May we stay steady. May we not give in to despair. May we channel our anger and grief into effective, purposeful action. May we stay present, with our eyes wide open, and do what needs to be done.